Qur'an quote I like

I'm reading the Qur'an tonight, and I just came across some I really like from Chapter 53, "...your companion, Muhammad, has neither erred, nor has he gone astray. he does not speak out of his own desire; the Quran is pure revelation sent to him... This manifestation is now visible on the spiritual horizons. Muhammad approached closer to Allah, and Allah leaned down towards him, so that it became as it were a case of one chord serving tow bows or closer still..."

I think this is so beautiful! I take this to say that what happened, the words Muhammad spoke, were not what he wanted, he was just stating what Allah said to him. I think this is important to note. It's not like Muhammad went and wrote some things down he wanted others to believe (and I know he couldn't write anyway). He was a prophet. He didn't choose it, he didn't win a lottery or wake up and think this is what he wanted. It's what happened. I believe I read somewhere that after the first encounter with the angel Gabriel that he was confused. All of this seems very honest to me. And I have not read one single bit about the prophet, peace be upon him, that implies that he was greedy or wanted fame or wealth or power, etc.

I love the last bit about Muhammad and Allah connecting. How beautiful and inspiring. It makes me want to really focus on how important it is to connect with Allah and make that effort.

really want to work on this

I've gotten distracted by being very busy with other things, being tired and stressed from those things, and have not taken the time to keep up with my faith in the ways I'd like to. I haven't forgotten about it, not at all. I thank Allah daily for things that come up that I am thankful for, that go well, the beauty in nature, etc. My identification within myself of being Muslim solidifies each day. I do feel like I'm moving in the direction I want. However, I haven't been keeping up with prayer as much as I want, I think the other things and distraction haven't helped, though that's no excuse. I haven't been reading in the Qur'an in awhile either, I haven't taken the time for it. I was at a bookstore recently for some other things and did find a couple books about Islam I picked up. I won't have time to read them for a little while, but I do look forward to it. I miss praying when I don't do it, so Insha Allah I'll be more mindful of this and the benefits of prayer and get better at it.

quick update

I just feel like posting a quick update. I want to keep up with this.

I've been praying, Alhumdilillah. I've been reading the Qur'an still too.

I know this isn't exciting news, but I don't want to let the ball drop with this blog or with staying mindful of my faith, and this helps with that. I suppose if I feel like I'm not doing enough, that says something in and of itself. Like I could put more effort into this and my faith and reflecting on my faith. I'll keep that in mind, Insha Allah.

quote from the Qur'an I like + my thoughts on it

I'm reading the Qur'an tonight, and I came across this quote I really like from chapter 57: "He it is Who sends down clear Signs to His servant that He may bring you out of every kind of darkness into the light." I love it. It says so much. It acknowledges that Allah sent us these signs, and why. I do believe he sent us signs. I think they are infinite. I believe if we look for them, we'll be able to see them everywhere. One just has to acknowledge it and understand it and that's what they are. And the whole point, it is saying here, I think, is that it is to bring us from a dark place we'd otherwise be into a lighter place, where we should be, where we are free, where we understand. This quote is inspirational to me, and I feel like it does reflect the impact that Islam is having on me-or that my life now reflects what this is describing. How nice! And that is just in this world! Alhumdulillah!

pacing myself & intentions

I'm still praying and working on getting it right. I feel like I've got to pace myself though. I feel like if I take things quicker than one step at a time, then quickly I feel like it's too much. This is such a big adjustment already, I don't want to get burnt out feeling or discouraged or like it's a burden or like I'm failing. So I'm taking it as it comes and putting effort in little by little, one step at a time. I see my growth curve gradually going up, which I think overall is good. Insha Allah one day I will be praying the prayers correctly and regularly.

That's one of my intentions. Then the other one I keep thinking about is wearing hijab. I want to, but I know I'm not ready for it yet. Insha Allah one day I will get there too. Today I got this deep, inner feeling like I wanted to. It wasn't just a feeling of I should, or that I would like to for a superficial reason or in and of itself. It was a feeling like this is the correct thing for me, and I will feel better if I do that. I think the idea of it is sinking in.

I'm still reading the Qur'an often and am still reading Reclaim Your Heart and am finding that I'm getting a lot out of both. They give me something to think about. Both reading in these frequently and praying frequently help me keep Allah in mind and my priorities in line with where I want them. I think that helps me keep my actions in check too. All of this is beneficial. It all feels like it's its own reward, but I know that there is an Ultimate reward for it all as well.

I am keeping the things I am grateful for and appreciative of in mind often and notice and am aware of them and thank Allah for these.

working at prayer

I've been wanting to get better with prayer, and I feel like I'm making some progress with that. I received a prayer rug now I'm using, and that is helpful. A string of prayer beads came with it. I looked up how to use those. I'm not sure that's something everyone does, but I did try that after prayer today and liked it. I've been feeling after prayer like there's something else I'd like to do. I have this feeling like, "That's it?" and feel good that I did do the prayer. So this is something I might start doing after each prayer. I like the beads, it helps me stay focused so my mind doesn't wander. I feel like that action helps me with connecting with Allah and staying mindful of that connection at that time. That's what I want out of prayer anyway- a connection with Allah, so it's nice to find something I can do to help me feel that, in addition to prayer. The rug helps prayer be more comfortable and feel more formal. I'm more mindful of setting up my prayer space at the time too. Another thing I just did was set the prayer times on my phone, so I'll better be able to keep track of when they are too. I know there's phone apps with the call to prayer, which would be awesome to have set on my phone. I don't do apps but might try to set that up. I do like feeling like I'm praying with a lot of people, even if I'm not actually with them. Like there's others praying at the same time as me. I haven't been great at doing them on time and just have felt like doing them at all is at least a step. So doing them on time and more consistently would be great. Prayer almost feels like I'm taking the time to "check in" with Allah and myself, especially while making dua. It's a chance to evaluate my priorities. I can see why doing prayer often and taking time out of everything else can be beneficial, even if it seems inconvenient. It's easy to get caught up in unimportant things and put important things to the side at times.

Last night I did a deep cleaning of my apartment, and it sort of feels like the same thing in a way. I feel like I'm making room for the important things and put everything else to the side. There's less clutter, more organization, and the important things are easily accessible and easy to see, more noticeable. A mental clearing can go along with a physical clearing. I feel ready now for things I want to be doing. Alhumdulilah.

prayer and hijab and being "out"

I've been working on prayer. I wish I could get more consistent. Insha Allah I will get better at it. One thing I think would help me is if I could spend some time working on memorizing the whole thing in both English and Arabic. For now I have it written down (in both). I memorize well by writing things down repeatedly, so it might come down to doing that. I know the positions and some of what to say without looking, but it still feels kind of fragmented and like I'm thinking about what I'm doing. I wish it could just flow for me. I think all this but with school I'm already learning other stuff but hope to either know it by the time I'm done or I'll work on it then. I don't want it to feel like a burden or that won't work good for me. The intention is to learn it though. I want to get a prayer mat too, praying on my hardwood floors is not very comfortable! So I'll see about ordering one soon.

Yesterday I went out, and it was cold and rainy which means it's scarf weather! I put mine on like hijab style and loved it, but some of my hair was showing and then I didn't feel like going out that way. I really don't want to do it half way or quite yet. I don't know. Maybe I need to work up to it. Not sure. I feel like I'm working on other things with my faith right now. Like that isn't the largest priority. I'm otherwise modest in my dress, but I'm not ready to be "out" as a Muslim yet or have people ask me questions or feel like some kind of representative of the religion or anything. I can't deal with that right now. Insha Allah that will get easier too.