Thoughts... + Intro?

I'm really glad I saved that draft. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it, but there it still was for me.

So far, I've been working on prayer, step by step. I'm not giving myself a hard time about not having it perfect at this point but am getting more used to it and feel like I'm getting closer to doing it correctly. I think it'll be nice once I'm spending less of prayer time focusing on what I'm doing and how to do it and can say the words and do steps without having to think about it. Not that I want to go through it mindlessly, but I feel like I'll be able to focus more on why I'm doing it rather than how to do it. I'd like to get a prayer rug.

Since taking my Shahada, it's been pretty nice. I get this thought here and there... "I'm Muslim now," and I smile. I feel proud of myself that I've taken this step. That I want to connect more with Allah and take steps towards being a better person. I am able to look at myself more critically and see what I'm doing and admit when I could do something better. Not that I'm putting myself down, but looking at my actions more objectively. I'm able to accept my imperfections and not dwell on them. We weren't perfect and aren't expected to be perfect. I'm watching my intentions more and what motivates me.

I'm very inspired by youtube videos by other reverts. That's what inspired me to make this blog. Maybe sometime I'll put up youtube videos. Not sure. I just found those so helpful, I feel like putting some of my own experiences out there in case anyone comes across them and finds it useful. Plus I like noting this journey I'm on. Hope that's not too redundant from my initial entry.

I've had this other feeling that's hard to describe, and I feel like it's developing. Its like there's this addition, or a clarity, to things now. I'm seeing things in a different perspective and have a different desire. I feel more at peace with myself and everything else. Like I don't have to be mad that things aren't perfect.

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As far as an intro goes... not sure what to say. I don't know what all I want to talk about on here? And that might vary depending on if anyone reads this and wants to hear about anything. I want to talk about my experiences as a new Muslim for sure. I guess I should say a bit about myself. I'm an American woman. Was brought up Christian but was Buddhist/Atheist for a long time. I've studied Islam for a long time as well, though not much in-depth til the beginning of this year. I've now read The Qur'an (English translations) twice, along with some other books about Islam.

I watch TONS of videos on youtube, and lots of female Muslims I see doing hijab tutorials and beauty and fashion stuff, and while I like that stuff and could talk about that stuff, I could also not. I love reviews of products and if they actually work well. I could do some of those if it would be helpful. I haven't started wearing hijab much yet, but I've got a collection of scarves started. I'd like to eventually, and Insha'Allah it'll be an easy transition over time. I'm still getting used to considering myself Muslim and haven't talked to anyone about it yet. Once I get more used to the idea, I might try contacting a mosque and seeing if I can connect with a sister. I think it might be easier to connect with sisters online who have been in similar shoes before first? So I at least don't feel like I'm going it alone. I don't know any Muslims.

I read a lot as well, so I could write about the books I'm reading. There's plenty of other things I could talk about as well, though my mind's starting to get tired, so I think I'm gonna go for now.