been praying more

I have been praying more since my last post, Alhumdilillah. I don't like writing I haven't been praying, or not just doing it, it makes me feel guilty and like I haven't even made one step of effort. I want to be someone who practices what she believes. It's not just words, and I feel like it means nothing if I'm not willing to do anything. I have a long ways to go, but at least I'm taking a step there.

lots of reading, no prayer

The past few days I have been reading up a storm and getting a lot out of it, it seems. But I haven't been praying. Ug. I need to get to it. Walk the walk, not just think about it.

how it's going

I got busy with things and haven't been keeping up with reading the Qur'an as much as I was or would like to, wasn't praying as much, just been inconsistent. My faith has still be there but didn't feel as strong... I didn't like all this, it's not where I want to be with things. I want to be growing. Yesterday I got back into reading the Qur'an and am back to rereading Reclaim Your Heart again as well. That is helping. I want to get back to praying more as well. I feel like I need this better connection with Allah. I guess I've been distracted... and that doesn't feel very good. So I'm setting forth the intention to get back on track.

prayer and habits

I've been getting better with prayer lately. I'm praying more often, and tonight for the first time I was able to say Al Fatihah in Arabic by memory. One thing I'm noticing that helps motivate me is having people I want to make dua for. Tonight I had some people in mind, and it made it seem more urgent. I'll keep this in mind. If it stays true for me, then it might help me pray more if I notice who I want to make dua for.

It's becoming habitual now to thank Allah with "Alhumdilillah" after things now that go well. I like that. It's an immediate reaction now. I like that I am thanking Allah for these things and not taking them for granted.

prayer

I've been working on praying more lately, which is really nice. I always feel better when I pray. It's getting easier as far as the steps go as well, which makes it easier in general. Insha Allah I'll get better with this and more consistent with it.

Alhumdilillah

Tonight I was driving home from work and was almost hit by a car. It would have been really bad. There just happened to be a lot of space where there usually isn't, and in the split second I saw the car almost smash right into me from the side (they sped through a red light), I was able to zoom my car, swerve to the side, and end up on the side of the road. The car just missed hitting mine and didn't hit me at all. Both myself and my car were totally fine. No one was hurt, including all the people driving behind and next to me. I felt so lucky, and immediately started saying out loud, "Alhumdilillah!" over and over. I keep thinking about it this evening and feel Allah really helped me.

It makes me think of other things I can be thankful about as well. I want to be appreciative of what I have.

Qur'an quote I like

I'm reading the Qur'an tonight, and I just came across some I really like from Chapter 53, "...your companion, Muhammad, has neither erred, nor has he gone astray. he does not speak out of his own desire; the Quran is pure revelation sent to him... This manifestation is now visible on the spiritual horizons. Muhammad approached closer to Allah, and Allah leaned down towards him, so that it became as it were a case of one chord serving tow bows or closer still..."

I think this is so beautiful! I take this to say that what happened, the words Muhammad spoke, were not what he wanted, he was just stating what Allah said to him. I think this is important to note. It's not like Muhammad went and wrote some things down he wanted others to believe (and I know he couldn't write anyway). He was a prophet. He didn't choose it, he didn't win a lottery or wake up and think this is what he wanted. It's what happened. I believe I read somewhere that after the first encounter with the angel Gabriel that he was confused. All of this seems very honest to me. And I have not read one single bit about the prophet, peace be upon him, that implies that he was greedy or wanted fame or wealth or power, etc.

I love the last bit about Muhammad and Allah connecting. How beautiful and inspiring. It makes me want to really focus on how important it is to connect with Allah and make that effort.

really want to work on this

I've gotten distracted by being very busy with other things, being tired and stressed from those things, and have not taken the time to keep up with my faith in the ways I'd like to. I haven't forgotten about it, not at all. I thank Allah daily for things that come up that I am thankful for, that go well, the beauty in nature, etc. My identification within myself of being Muslim solidifies each day. I do feel like I'm moving in the direction I want. However, I haven't been keeping up with prayer as much as I want, I think the other things and distraction haven't helped, though that's no excuse. I haven't been reading in the Qur'an in awhile either, I haven't taken the time for it. I was at a bookstore recently for some other things and did find a couple books about Islam I picked up. I won't have time to read them for a little while, but I do look forward to it. I miss praying when I don't do it, so Insha Allah I'll be more mindful of this and the benefits of prayer and get better at it.

quick update

I just feel like posting a quick update. I want to keep up with this.

I've been praying, Alhumdilillah. I've been reading the Qur'an still too.

I know this isn't exciting news, but I don't want to let the ball drop with this blog or with staying mindful of my faith, and this helps with that. I suppose if I feel like I'm not doing enough, that says something in and of itself. Like I could put more effort into this and my faith and reflecting on my faith. I'll keep that in mind, Insha Allah.

quote from the Qur'an I like + my thoughts on it

I'm reading the Qur'an tonight, and I came across this quote I really like from chapter 57: "He it is Who sends down clear Signs to His servant that He may bring you out of every kind of darkness into the light." I love it. It says so much. It acknowledges that Allah sent us these signs, and why. I do believe he sent us signs. I think they are infinite. I believe if we look for them, we'll be able to see them everywhere. One just has to acknowledge it and understand it and that's what they are. And the whole point, it is saying here, I think, is that it is to bring us from a dark place we'd otherwise be into a lighter place, where we should be, where we are free, where we understand. This quote is inspirational to me, and I feel like it does reflect the impact that Islam is having on me-or that my life now reflects what this is describing. How nice! And that is just in this world! Alhumdulillah!

pacing myself & intentions

I'm still praying and working on getting it right. I feel like I've got to pace myself though. I feel like if I take things quicker than one step at a time, then quickly I feel like it's too much. This is such a big adjustment already, I don't want to get burnt out feeling or discouraged or like it's a burden or like I'm failing. So I'm taking it as it comes and putting effort in little by little, one step at a time. I see my growth curve gradually going up, which I think overall is good. Insha Allah one day I will be praying the prayers correctly and regularly.

That's one of my intentions. Then the other one I keep thinking about is wearing hijab. I want to, but I know I'm not ready for it yet. Insha Allah one day I will get there too. Today I got this deep, inner feeling like I wanted to. It wasn't just a feeling of I should, or that I would like to for a superficial reason or in and of itself. It was a feeling like this is the correct thing for me, and I will feel better if I do that. I think the idea of it is sinking in.

I'm still reading the Qur'an often and am still reading Reclaim Your Heart and am finding that I'm getting a lot out of both. They give me something to think about. Both reading in these frequently and praying frequently help me keep Allah in mind and my priorities in line with where I want them. I think that helps me keep my actions in check too. All of this is beneficial. It all feels like it's its own reward, but I know that there is an Ultimate reward for it all as well.

I am keeping the things I am grateful for and appreciative of in mind often and notice and am aware of them and thank Allah for these.

working at prayer

I've been wanting to get better with prayer, and I feel like I'm making some progress with that. I received a prayer rug now I'm using, and that is helpful. A string of prayer beads came with it. I looked up how to use those. I'm not sure that's something everyone does, but I did try that after prayer today and liked it. I've been feeling after prayer like there's something else I'd like to do. I have this feeling like, "That's it?" and feel good that I did do the prayer. So this is something I might start doing after each prayer. I like the beads, it helps me stay focused so my mind doesn't wander. I feel like that action helps me with connecting with Allah and staying mindful of that connection at that time. That's what I want out of prayer anyway- a connection with Allah, so it's nice to find something I can do to help me feel that, in addition to prayer. The rug helps prayer be more comfortable and feel more formal. I'm more mindful of setting up my prayer space at the time too. Another thing I just did was set the prayer times on my phone, so I'll better be able to keep track of when they are too. I know there's phone apps with the call to prayer, which would be awesome to have set on my phone. I don't do apps but might try to set that up. I do like feeling like I'm praying with a lot of people, even if I'm not actually with them. Like there's others praying at the same time as me. I haven't been great at doing them on time and just have felt like doing them at all is at least a step. So doing them on time and more consistently would be great. Prayer almost feels like I'm taking the time to "check in" with Allah and myself, especially while making dua. It's a chance to evaluate my priorities. I can see why doing prayer often and taking time out of everything else can be beneficial, even if it seems inconvenient. It's easy to get caught up in unimportant things and put important things to the side at times.

Last night I did a deep cleaning of my apartment, and it sort of feels like the same thing in a way. I feel like I'm making room for the important things and put everything else to the side. There's less clutter, more organization, and the important things are easily accessible and easy to see, more noticeable. A mental clearing can go along with a physical clearing. I feel ready now for things I want to be doing. Alhumdulilah.

prayer and hijab and being "out"

I've been working on prayer. I wish I could get more consistent. Insha Allah I will get better at it. One thing I think would help me is if I could spend some time working on memorizing the whole thing in both English and Arabic. For now I have it written down (in both). I memorize well by writing things down repeatedly, so it might come down to doing that. I know the positions and some of what to say without looking, but it still feels kind of fragmented and like I'm thinking about what I'm doing. I wish it could just flow for me. I think all this but with school I'm already learning other stuff but hope to either know it by the time I'm done or I'll work on it then. I don't want it to feel like a burden or that won't work good for me. The intention is to learn it though. I want to get a prayer mat too, praying on my hardwood floors is not very comfortable! So I'll see about ordering one soon.

Yesterday I went out, and it was cold and rainy which means it's scarf weather! I put mine on like hijab style and loved it, but some of my hair was showing and then I didn't feel like going out that way. I really don't want to do it half way or quite yet. I don't know. Maybe I need to work up to it. Not sure. I feel like I'm working on other things with my faith right now. Like that isn't the largest priority. I'm otherwise modest in my dress, but I'm not ready to be "out" as a Muslim yet or have people ask me questions or feel like some kind of representative of the religion or anything. I can't deal with that right now. Insha Allah that will get easier too.

I'm Muslim in my dreams

I had a dream last night where I was talking to some people. In the dream I knew them, like they were family or friends or coworkers, people I'm around a lot. Although I don't remember who they actually were in real life. Someone in the dream said to me with the way I've been talking lately and what I'm interested in, I should read the Bible. And I thought to myself, "I don't want to read the Bible, that's not my religion. I'm Muslim now, I wonder if I should tell them?" And I started thinking about telling people I'm Muslim in my dream. I woke up and thought that was pretty neat that this has even made it into my subconscious, and I identify this way in my dreams. It felt good, like I am happy this is me now.

Alhumdilillah - prayer

After writing tonight I really did want to do my intention, and I did pray. I'm so glad!

slump but still going

I haven't prayed in a while, which I'm not happy with that. I'm going to try to tonight. I really want to get into the habit of it. I want it to be a regular thing. On a side note, I'm wanting to get a more regular sleep schedule as well, so I'm hoping Insha Allah to sort of incorporate them together, like set up a new routine for the morning and evening. That would help with some of the prayers at least. I think once I get used to doing them more, I'll be able to continue easier. I do like doing them and find them beneficial and important, so I think they are their own reward, in a way.

I have been reading some of the Qur'an each day, Alhumduilillah.

I feel like I need to work on learning about my faith more and putting more effort into prayer. Insha Allah this will get easier for me and I'll put forth the effort.

Qur'an quote and my thoughts about it

I was just reading in the Qur'an and wanted to quote some of it I really liked. This comes from Chapter 76:

"Has not man passed through a space of time when he was not anything made mention of? ... We showed him the Way. He is either appreciative, and follows it, or is ungrateful, and rejects it." And later in the same chapter, "Your effort is appreciated."

These really spoke to me right now. It did when I read through it before as well. I think this is quite philosophical. There was a point before I ever was (and everyone else). Yet here we are. We were given this guide - "the Way." I love that particular phrasing. I wish I knew Arabic so I could read this in the original language and understand it in that context. The concept of the Way is mentioned in many different philosophical backgrounds. It's mentioned in Buddhism and Taoism. In each it means something different - the context within the philosophy is different. However, they all symbolize the Ultimate Way, the way things are, the way they should be, the way they are going, in the present moment and beyond, what is going on, Nature as it is, our essence as we are, the path we're on...

I try to keep in mind being grateful for what I have and being mindful of things I'm grateful for. I think it's so important to recognize everything we can be thankful for. It's too easy to take things for granted til they are gone, and then we get upset. We can spend all our time upset if we want to or don't pay any attention to the things that are going right or well. In the context of this Qur'an quote, it seems to be pointing out that we can either take this guidance or not - this Ultimate Guidance - and if we appreciate it, we will take it and go with it. It's interesting to me, because yeah, why would someone reject this great gift? They would be ungrateful.

And how reassuring it is to hear that one's effort is appreciated. Everyone wants to hear that after a job well done. It doesn't always happen, and that's not necessarily our ultimate goal in doing anything. Plenty of people like to do a good job for the sake of doing a good job, even if no one else ever notices. But how motivating and validating and good does it feel when one IS told thanks for the good job, I appreciate what you did? It's nice. Sometimes it makes something really tough worth it, when one knows that someone did notice and did acknowledge it.

I'm not sure if it's "proper" for me to me rambling on my thoughts about quotes from the Qur'an. I'm no formal scholar on it, just putting my thoughts out there. I think it's interesting, and it helps me process what I'm getting out of it. I think with time it'll evolve. So it might be nice to be able to look back and see what I was getting out of it at this point in time. I have no idea if anyone who would read this would care to share their thoughts on it, as long as it's respectful, that's okay with me.

books, inspiration, prayer, and hijab

I'm still reading some of the Qur'an each day, and love it. I'm also still reading a Rumi poem each day. I've lost interest for now in the Spiritual Gems... book for now, though I think it's good. I'm thinking of putting that aside and rereading Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed. I read that book before converting and actually thought it's among the best books I've ever read. I zipped through it, I was really into it. I think rereading it, now as a Muslim, and taking the time to think about each thing in the book may help me find a way to get through this period I'm having now where I want more but feel kind of stuck. I'm not doing so well with prayer, and I'd love to make it more of a habit and get better at doing it properly. Every time I pray I feel better afterwards, I feel more peaceful and like I did a good action. I love making dua and thinking about my relationship with Allah. Insha Allah this will become easier for me.

I keep thinking about hijab. I'd love to start wearing it, but I feel like it would be better to feel more solid with my inner hijab first. While I think it would help me think of my actions more and be more aware, as it's not the norm here, I feel like I don't want to be a poor "representative" of Muslims, and I don't feel I'll be comfortable answering questions at this point and being "out" as a Muslim yet. I don't know when that will come. I guess I'm still getting used to it within myself. Each time I think of it, I love it. It is feeling more normal for me, and I can see my perspective getting used to it. However, I still feel like there's a lot to this religion I don't know yet. I want to learn but know it'll take time. I suppose I should just start with step one, prayer, and go from there.

getting a little better

Today I did a lot better with prayer. I put more intention into it. It felt great. I want to keep that up.

I'm still reading some Qur'an each day too. I feel like I'm getting more out of it each time, to an exponential degree, it's pretty cool. Like each sentence brings more meaning into all the others.

With prayer, I like the time out from everything else to just focus on it and connecting with Allah.

update-moving on up

So since the last time I wrote, I have been putting forth more effort into this. It feels good, and I like seeing my intentions put into action.

I started rereading the Qur'an. I actually have two different English translations. I really liked the first one I read. I'm glad I read two different ones, just for a different perspective on the same thing. I can see how things can vary in translation. Insha Allah one day I will learn Arabic and be able to read it in its original language! But for now, I am rereading the first translation again, and I am really into it again already. If I had nothing else to do, I'd be content to just sit and read it all day! I love it. I finding myself getting more out of it each time I read it. And the more I learn about Islam outside of the Qur'an, the more the Qur'an makes sense in some ways that I didn't understand before, as I didn't know the context of different things. It's filling in gaps.

I prayed yesterday as well. Insha Allah I will today too.

I feel the desire for some new step forward, though I don't know what that would be. I will keep an open mind for this and see if anything appears.

need to "juice up my battery"

I don't know how else to put it, but yeah, I need to "juice up my battery", so to speak. I still think daily about how I'm Muslim now, and it still makes me smile. It's sinking in more and more to deeper and deeper levels in me, which is nice.

I haven't been great at improving on doing prayers though. I am reading a Rumi poem each day (usually twice a day). That helps me think about how profound all of this is. I miss reading some of the Qur'an every day though. So I might start getting back into that.

I still haven't told anyone I converted in real life, and I don't know any Muslims. It feels lonely, but at the same time I don't feel ready to try to meet anyone or go to a masjid yet or anything else like that.

I just want to focus on getting prayers better and learning more, I guess. I suppose that's my current goal.

some thoughts of the day

I've been reading Spiritual Gems of Islam..., and I really like it. There's a hadith quoted in it that I came across that I like: "Know thyself and you shall know thy Sustainer." This book is more spiritual than religious, but I like it. It's tickling my mind and making me think about Islam from another point of view.

I feel the desire and need to progress with praying more and more correctly, but it's hard. It seems like this is the first hard thing for a lot of new Muslims, from what I've found. It's hard when it's not a habit, especially when it's in another language and all the steps and things about it... but I'll get there Insha'Allah. I'm working on it.

I'm thinking about hijab and was set on getting certain ones to try out around my home to get used to it and to wear while praying, but the website I had found and liked hasn't gotten back to me about questions I had about the site and how it works. I might try somewhere else, but I haven't found as good of a selection elsewhere. I guess for a first hijab (I want to get an Al Amira one or two piece), I don't need to be too picky. I also want to get a prayer mat from somewhere.

I'm finding it hard to balance all of my other priorities, plus this huge desire I have to learn about Islam. Maybe it's good, so I don't go too fast and get ahead of myself. I do feel the potential of it growing in me.

I wish I could find a way to connect with some Muslim sisters. I'm not ready to go to a masjid yet. I also feel this great distance between me and my friends. I've put it there to have room for myself, but I keep having dreams about them and wonder how they will fit into my life if I decide to be more social. What will they think of this? And how will my friendships be with my male friends? I'm also wondering how many other ways this will affect my life in ways I haven't thought of yet. If there's anything I'm used to that I'll have to give up. I already don't eat meat and don't drink and dress pretty modestly aside from covering my hair, so those kinds of things aren't a change. I do wonder how wearing hijab will feel. I'm sure it will feel really nice, I want to wear it. I'm just wondering, how, in reality, it will be, here where I live, how people will react, and how I will feel about it. Confident? Free? Self conscious? Foreign/Other? Normal? I don't know. I have a feeling I'll know when I'm ready.

Where I'm at with things/hijab/prayer/books

It's been a week since I took my Shahada! :) I'm so glad I did. I feel a lot better about things since then.

I'm thinking I'd like to get a prayer mat. I have hardwood floors which doesn't make for very comfortable praying! I also want to get a couple different kinds of hijabs just to get used to wearing them. I think I'll wear them at home and while praying. I don't know when I'll start wearing them out, but once the weather is cooler, I think the transition will be easier. I've heard it recommended to wear them around home, look at oneself in the mirror and even take a picture and look at it, just to get used to seeing oneself with it on. I think that will help me get used to wearing it. I'd like to feel more solid with things before taking that step of wearing it out. I've been working on my inner hijab and dressing modestly and try to be mindful of those things. I think actually wearing a head covering out will help with that, but I want to feel like I have a good foundation of modest behavior otherwise before wearing the more obvious symbol people associate with Muslim women. I've heard some non-Muslims criticize new revert Muslim women who wear hijab but aren't otherwise perfect Muslims, calling them hypocritical or thinking they are being fake or attention seeking. Not that those people know what they are talking about, not that they knew the person or the circumstances, and not that those people's opinions and judgements matter, but... I'd rather behave in a way that I find consistent with things and feel able to talk about things comfortably first, because I'm sure I could get a comment or question, or people might look and think things, and I think it would be best if I present myself in a respectable and respectful way. That's how I'd like to be anyway. Plus I want to be consistent. I feel like if I take things one step at a time, things will be easier along the way, rather than trying to jump into something I'm not used to and forcing myself to deal with it.

I'm working on learning the prayer, and each time I do it, it seems to flow better. I'll be excited when I can do the whole prayer without referencing my notes! I haven't been praying on time, and Insha'Allah that will get easier too. I really am trying to ease into things, which I've heard it recommended. I feel like I'm slowly and carefully taking each step forward, which is comfortable, and feels like I'm heading in the right direction. I'd rather do that than, again, plunging forward to fast and then having difficulty. I've also only been praying once a day, which I'd like to increase, but I'm not forcing myself to do anything but easing into things.

I haven't told anyone I've converted! I'd like to connect with other reverts. Eventually I'd like to find a community to be involved in, but I think it would be overwhelming for me at this point to meet a group of people or feel any pressure to do anything. I still get this thought several times a day, "Oh yeah... I'm Muslim!" and I love it, but I'm not used to the idea yet.

I've been having a lot of vivid dreams lately, and I think it's sorting out things in my head. My old way of life and this new way of life. My relations with others and activities and things and what I want to be doing with my time and how I want to be associating with people. My priorities and interests and opinions. Things have been changing, and I feel it's all positive. I do wonder how it will affect my friendships with people. I'm taking my time with this. I feel like this is a positive change for me, so I would hope that people would be happy for me. I'm trying to gradually incorporate this into my life. Fit all the good stuff together. I do wonder how much other stuff I'll disregard. What isn't important anymore? What don't I want? I think it's a good to let certain things go, and I do feel that within Islam is a helpful guide as to what is important. I've even been having dreams with Satan in them, and had thoughts in them about Satan's trying to persuade me, but in them, I am not interested, which is relieving and I think a good sign that I'm headed in a good direction. I don't want things that are bad for me.

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I'm reading some books, so I figure I'll list them in case I feel like discussing them.

I just started Spiritual Gems of Islam: Insights & Practices from the Qur'an, Hadith, Rumi & Muslim Teaching Stories to Enlighten the Heart & Mind by Imam Jamal Rahman. I don't have anything to say about it yet, I'm on the first page. I'm excited to read it though.

A Year With Rumi: Daily Readings by Coleman Barks. This is a poem a day, and there is a date (month and day) for each. I started a few days ago and do enjoy reading a poem a day. I love Rumi's poetry.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X. I love reading autobiographies and hearing stories about people's lives. I saw the movie based on his life a few years back. I thought the movie was good, but books are of course always way better, they're so much more in depth.

crucial conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler. This was recommended to me in a work context, and I think there's some good points in this. Some of the suggestions, a lot, are things I already do. I do think though that this book plus this new Muslim insight is actually helping me critique myself and pay more attention to how I look at myself and my behavior and how I am with others. I think it will be really useful.

And lastly, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I read this at the laundry mat, so I'm not zooming through it like I can sometimes with books. I read this as a kid and loved it. I saw the movie a couple years back and loved it. So I'm rereading it now and find it very pleasant reading.

Thoughts... + Intro?

I'm really glad I saved that draft. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it, but there it still was for me.

So far, I've been working on prayer, step by step. I'm not giving myself a hard time about not having it perfect at this point but am getting more used to it and feel like I'm getting closer to doing it correctly. I think it'll be nice once I'm spending less of prayer time focusing on what I'm doing and how to do it and can say the words and do steps without having to think about it. Not that I want to go through it mindlessly, but I feel like I'll be able to focus more on why I'm doing it rather than how to do it. I'd like to get a prayer rug.

Since taking my Shahada, it's been pretty nice. I get this thought here and there... "I'm Muslim now," and I smile. I feel proud of myself that I've taken this step. That I want to connect more with Allah and take steps towards being a better person. I am able to look at myself more critically and see what I'm doing and admit when I could do something better. Not that I'm putting myself down, but looking at my actions more objectively. I'm able to accept my imperfections and not dwell on them. We weren't perfect and aren't expected to be perfect. I'm watching my intentions more and what motivates me.

I'm very inspired by youtube videos by other reverts. That's what inspired me to make this blog. Maybe sometime I'll put up youtube videos. Not sure. I just found those so helpful, I feel like putting some of my own experiences out there in case anyone comes across them and finds it useful. Plus I like noting this journey I'm on. Hope that's not too redundant from my initial entry.

I've had this other feeling that's hard to describe, and I feel like it's developing. Its like there's this addition, or a clarity, to things now. I'm seeing things in a different perspective and have a different desire. I feel more at peace with myself and everything else. Like I don't have to be mad that things aren't perfect.

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As far as an intro goes... not sure what to say. I don't know what all I want to talk about on here? And that might vary depending on if anyone reads this and wants to hear about anything. I want to talk about my experiences as a new Muslim for sure. I guess I should say a bit about myself. I'm an American woman. Was brought up Christian but was Buddhist/Atheist for a long time. I've studied Islam for a long time as well, though not much in-depth til the beginning of this year. I've now read The Qur'an (English translations) twice, along with some other books about Islam.

I watch TONS of videos on youtube, and lots of female Muslims I see doing hijab tutorials and beauty and fashion stuff, and while I like that stuff and could talk about that stuff, I could also not. I love reviews of products and if they actually work well. I could do some of those if it would be helpful. I haven't started wearing hijab much yet, but I've got a collection of scarves started. I'd like to eventually, and Insha'Allah it'll be an easy transition over time. I'm still getting used to considering myself Muslim and haven't talked to anyone about it yet. Once I get more used to the idea, I might try contacting a mosque and seeing if I can connect with a sister. I think it might be easier to connect with sisters online who have been in similar shoes before first? So I at least don't feel like I'm going it alone. I don't know any Muslims.

I read a lot as well, so I could write about the books I'm reading. There's plenty of other things I could talk about as well, though my mind's starting to get tired, so I think I'm gonna go for now.

September 2, 2013 It begins.

This is the start of this blog. I don't feel up to doing a full and proper "intro" at this point, but I do feel like starting it. So here goes...

I'm using this to document my journey. I just took my Shahada. Yep, I'm Muslim now. It seems weird to see that typed, coming from me. I just said it by myself, no formal ceremony or witnesses. Insha'Allah I will get the opportunity to say the Shahada with Muslim witnesses at a mosque sometime in the future.

How do I feel right now? Kind of in awe. Like... I have this new beginning and a new frame of reference for everything. It's refreshing. I feel like I have a new identity. I feel more connected to things, and I feel like I have more responsibility.

My intention with starting this blog is to keep track of how this goes. I'm not sure anyone else will read it, but if anyone does, Insha'Allah they will find it helpful. I've been researching Islam for months now, and finding info from other reverts has been invaluable. It made me realize I can do this! Everyone's story is unique, and I find that bits of others' I relate to and some I don't. Insha'Allah if anyone reads this they'll find they relate to a bit of it or at least find it interesting.

Thanks for reading. Peace.